Okay, I know that nobody really reads my blog, but if you do, I just want to say that I’m sorry about the lame posts. I was so caught up in having a blog that I didn’t really notice what I was writing in it. Nobody cares about my feeble attempts at humor, the nook, or the fact that my life is so pointless this summer that I don’t have anything to write about. I give my sincere apologies to the people of the future who will read this and the rest of my lame posts. For the people of the past, here’s my English/Social Studies report:

Long ago, there lived an Adonis (strongman) by the name of Damon. He could perform Herculean tasks with ease, lifting colossal boulders for fun and killing monsters for the glory. Women came from all over Greece just to meet him, but he only had a heart for Amelia. Although he never said so, he believed that she was as skilled as Artemis (Grecian goddess of the hunt), as clever as Athena (goddess of wisdom), and as beautiful as Aphrodite (goddess of love and beauty). Over time, she became fond of Damon, and the two started to love each other, but the goddesses were jealous. No mortal could possibly have Artemis’ skill, Athena’s wisdom, and Aphrodite’s beauty, and yet she is seen as having such gifts. The three goddesses decided to tantalize Damon with the image of Amelia, but blow him back as soon as he came near. They giggled in delight at his anger and frustration, but soon became tired of their new-found game. Eventually, one goddess decided to ask Atlas to spin the Earth so that he would never reach his fair maiden.

After days of trying to move forward, Damon realized that the only way to get back home was to sail all the way around the Earth, land on the other side of Greece, and travel on foot until he found her. Now this was a problem for poor Damon because this was the first time wind had ever blown. Therefore, there weren’t any sailboats, sailors, or captains. However, his devotion to Amelia was too great to overcome. After a year, he had gathered a crew of 100 men and had built a gigantic wooden sailboat. Before setting off on his journey however, Damon chose to seek out an oracle (interpreter of Apollo). When he found one, her description of the adventure was Delphic (capable of being understood in more than one way), for she was also a Cassandra: one who predicts great disaster. The oracassand (half oracle, half Cassandra) described the odyssey as being filled with sorrow with bouts of happiness in between. She said that his ship would make it back to Greece, but he would lose at least half of his men-including Damon himself.

Shocked at her words, Damon vowed to make it to Amelia, although his death was almost certain. It was more likely for a mortal to become a god than it was to have their fate changed, but he pressed onward anyway, keeping the fate of his crew a secret. If any of the men knew of the probability that they were going to die, they would all run screaming from the boat, never looking back. As the speck of Greece faded away from their view, another sight made them gasp. A very small gap between two extremely sharp rocks seemed to be heading right towards them! Thinking quickly, Damon steered the boat so that its port side was facing the rocks. He immediately yelled for the cannons to be fired and sank the entire structure.

For a while after that, the seas were peaceful. However, there was some talk of treasure beneath the waves. To be truthful, Athena whispered it to the crew, who immediately started imagining the riches and splendors of the chest below. After a few hours, twenty men had already jumped overboard. When Damon realized what was happening, he reminded the rest that they would all lose their lives before they ever came close, and the sea was quiet for a while after that. Pleased with the outcome of the whispers, Aphrodite told them something else. She gave the crew the exact sayings of the oracassand and twenty more men immediately jumped overboard, choosing to die instead of being forced to. Damon convinced the rest that they were all getting sea-sick and that the whole idea was probably just a crazy sailor’s tales. They were almost to Greece when Artemis, the bravest goddess of the three, dared to whisper: Would you rather be with Hades and your friends or alive next to all your enemies, trying to kill you some way or the other? At that, fifty men jumped overboard, seeking escape from the men around them.

With only ten men to comfort him, Damon began to weep. Unbeknownst to him, however, his step-son was onboard, one of the survivors. Jonas was born long before the wind started, but he was kept a secret from the world because his true father, Remus, had plotted to kill him. One of the founders of Rome, Remus was entitled to a large portion of it, and did not want his son to have it. Now that Remus had died, Jonas could go out into the world without fear, although his mother warned him to stay unknown. Jonas decided that since his step-father was going to die, he might as well tell him all this. When Damon found out, he told Jonas to rescue his mother and tell her that the wind was his loving whispers, calling to her from the grave. Jonas dutifully obeyed, and became the second king of Rome.

Hope you liked it! (Because I sure didn’t)