rawr. Welcome to this week’s edition of “how to tick off a telemarketer!” I didn’t want to include this in my last post two minutes ago cuzit was already way too long. Anyway, let’s start with Verizon wireless! We subscribe to AT&T, but they still call us every freaking month to let us know about their new phone package! I wonder how many minutes they rack up calling us? I sure hope they don’t have an unlimited plan! My family isn’t on the do not call list because doing what I’m about to do provides hours of free entertainment (30 seconds at a time, of course).

“Oh, the phone is ringing. I wonder who it might be?”

“Let’s check  the callerID!”

 “Verizon wireless? But I thought we subscribed to AT&T.”

“We do! Watch this: Hola!”

“Hello, ma’am, my name i-”

“No habla espanol.”

“Oh, um, that means… you-”

“No habla espanol.”

“You don’t speak spanish… well, uh, I’m speak-”

“No habla espanol.”


“Bye-bye now.” (hang up)

Next up, we have Bank of America! Since my step-dad works at Chase, we have an account there. Not Bank of America. Why they keep calling us we’ll never know.

“Oh, looks like another telemarketer on the phone. This one is from Bank of America. Hello?”

“Hi, I’m Howard from Bank of America. I was wondering if you would like to open an account with us today.”

“Oh, I’d love to, but I’m kind of busy right now. Could you give me your home phone so I can call you later?”

“Sorry, I’m not really… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? Do you not want to be bothered at home by a random stranger?”

“Um, yeah, I guess so.”

“Bingo!” (hang up)

Listen, I know that this is just their job, but sometimes it gets really freaking annoying so I want to make sure we feel the same way on both ends. Also, I’m a minor. What business do they have calling me for a stupid phone package? Anyway, that’s all we have time for! Ciao!